How do I ask for a raise when I feel like I don’t deserve one?

augustus 5, 2026

Asking for a raise when you feel you don’t deserve one is harder than it sounds. Yet that feeling is rarely an accurate reflection of your actual worth. You can ask for a raise by grounding your request in concrete achievements, preparing thoroughly, and having the conversation at a moment that works in your favor. The sections below walk through everything step by step — from the psychology behind that uncomfortable feeling to the exact words you can use.

Why do women more often feel they don’t deserve a raise?

Women more often feel they don’t deserve a raise because they tend to measure their performance against perfection rather than results. While men, on average, are more likely to negotiate based on potential, women more often wait until they’re certain they meet every criterion. That difference has nothing to do with ability — it has everything to do with how we’ve been socialized to evaluate our own contributions.

This pattern has a name: impostor syndrome — the feeling that your success isn’t truly earned and that others will eventually find out. Women report this feeling more often than men, and it has a direct impact on negotiating behavior. Those who see themselves as falling short are less likely to ask for more.

On top of that, women who negotiate assertively sometimes encounter resistance that men in the same situation don’t face. That social pressure is real, and it’s understandable that it feels like a reason not to ask. But it’s not a reason to let your salary fall below market value year after year. The feeling of not deserving a raise is a psychological mechanism — not an objective judgment of your worth.

What is the right time to ask for a raise?

The right time to ask for a raise is shortly after a visible success, during a performance review, or at the start of a new budget year. Timing plays a major role in how your request is received. Choosing the right moment significantly increases the likelihood of a positive response, regardless of how strong your substantive case is.

Moments that work in your favor

Concrete moments to take advantage of include:

Immediately after completing a project with visible results. Your contribution is fresh in your manager’s mind and its value is tangible.
During or just before a performance review. This is when salaries are formally discussed. Don’t wait until after the review to raise the topic.
When you’ve taken on additional responsibilities without a corresponding increase in pay. That’s a legitimate and logical reason to ask.
When the market shows you’re being underpaid. Salary comparison sites and job postings in your field give you objective reference points.

Moments to avoid

Shortly after a reorganization or round of budget cuts, when budgets are frozen.
When your manager is visibly under pressure or short on time.
When you’ve recently made a mistake that’s still fresh.

The goal isn’t to wait for the perfect moment — that rarely exists. It’s about choosing a moment where the context works in your favor rather than against you.

How do you prepare for a salary conversation?

You prepare for a salary conversation by getting three things clear: what you’ve contributed, what the market rate is for your role, and exactly what you want to ask for. Preparation is the difference between a conversation that convinces and one that gets talked away. The better you know your worth, the harder it is for your request to be brushed aside.

Start by putting together an overview of your achievements over the past year. Think about projects you’ve completed, responsibilities you’ve expanded, problems you’ve solved, and positive feedback you’ve received. Make it as specific as possible — not “I did good work,” but “I redesigned the onboarding process, which helped new colleagues become productive three weeks faster.”

Then do your market research. Check salary sites such as Glassdoor or LinkedIn Salary, talk to people in comparable roles, and look at job postings for positions at your level. This gives you an objective foundation for your request, independent of how you assess yourself.

Next, settle on a specific number or percentage. Those who stay vague about what they want give the other party room to stay vague too. Name a specific figure based on your research. Ask for something higher than your minimum expectation, so there’s room to negotiate without ending up below your desired outcome.

What words do you use when asking for a raise?

When asking for a raise, use direct, confident language that presents your request as logical and well-founded — not as a favor. The phrasing you choose determines how your request is received. Apologetic or hesitant language undermines your position before the conversation has even really begun.

Avoid phrases that make your request seem smaller than it is:

“I don’t know if this is even possible, but…”
“I hope I’m not out of line asking this…”
“I feel a little awkward bringing this up…”

Instead, use language that anchors your request in facts and confidence:

“Based on my contributions this year and the market rate for this role, I’d like to discuss my salary. I’m proposing an increase to [amount].”
“Over the past year, I’ve achieved [specific accomplishment]. I’d like to discuss how that’s reflected in my compensation.”
“I’ve researched salaries for comparable roles and found that my current salary is below the market average. I’d like to address that.”

The key is to present your request as a business conversation, not a personal appeal for a favor. You bring value, and fair compensation is the logical return. That framing also helps you go into the conversation feeling calmer.

What do you do if your raise request is turned down?

If your raise request is turned down, ask directly what it would take to make a raise happen. A rejection is not a final answer — it’s the starting point for a more specific conversation. Those who silently accept a “no” give up control. Those who ask follow-up questions keep it.

If your request is turned down, ask these questions:

“What would I need to achieve for this conversation to go differently in six months?”
“Are there specific goals or milestones you’d tie a salary increase to?”
“When would be the right time to revisit this?”

Also ask for the rejection to be confirmed in writing, or make a note of the outcome yourself. This gives you a reference point for the next conversation and makes clear that you’re taking it seriously.

Consider too what the rejection tells you about the organization. If you’re consistently underpaid, your performance is acknowledged but never rewarded, or the reasons for rejection keep shifting — that’s useful information. Sometimes the most strategic move isn’t to negotiate harder with the same employer, but to strengthen your position elsewhere.

A rejection stings, especially if you spent a long time working up the courage to ask. But it’s also a moment of clarity: you now know where you stand and what the next step is.

How we at Intouch help women with salary negotiation

For many women, asking for a raise feels like one of the hardest conversations of their career. Not because they lack the arguments, but because they were never taught how to deploy those arguments strategically. That’s exactly what we focus on at Intouch Women.

In our Masterclass Stratego for Women, you’ll learn, among other things:

How to see through the unwritten rules of organizations and use them to your advantage
How to negotiate salary, influence, and position without losing yourself in the process
How to map the power dynamics in your environment and understand the key players
How to present yourself with confidence, even if that doesn’t come naturally to you

The program runs for six months and works with small groups of up to twelve women, leaving room for your personal situation. You won’t leave the masterclass with polished theory — you’ll leave with concrete tools you can apply the very next day. More than twenty years of experience and impact on over 500,000 people and organizations speaks for itself.

Want to learn how to approach salary negotiation with strategy and confidence? See what the Masterclass Stratego for Women can do for you.

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How much should I ask for if I don't know what's realistic?

A common rule of thumb is to ask for 10–20% above your current salary, depending on what your market research shows. Always ask for a little more than your actual target so you have room to negotiate without ending up below your desired amount. Use salary sites such as Glassdoor or LinkedIn Salary and compare current job postings in your field and at your level to back up your anchor with objective data.

What do I do if my manager says the budget doesn't allow it but acknowledges my performance?

If budget is the official reason, ask for a concrete commitment tied to a future date: ‘If the budget opens up in Q1, can we agree that my raise takes effect then?’ Put that agreement in writing — for example, by sending a follow-up email after the conversation. Recognition without reward is a pattern you need to actively break, otherwise it stays at the level of words.

Can I negotiate other benefits if a salary increase really isn't possible?

Absolutely. If salary is off the table, there are often other forms of compensation worth discussing: additional vacation days, a training budget, flexible working hours, a better retirement plan, or a bonus structure. Prepare these alternatives in advance so you don’t walk away empty-handed. Frame them as part of your total package, not as a consolation prize.

How do I deal with the fear that my employer will react negatively to my raise request?

That fear is understandable, but it helps to recognize that a well-prepared salary request is seen by most employers as professional and self-aware behavior. Prepare for the conversation so you’re speaking from facts rather than emotion — that makes you less vulnerable to a negative reaction. And remember: an employer who responds negatively because you professionally asked for fair pay is also telling you something important about the organizational culture.

Do I need a competing job offer before asking for a raise?

No, a competing offer isn’t necessary and can even backfire if you’re not genuinely prepared to leave. Your request is strongest when it’s based on your demonstrable value and market data, not a bluff. Using a competing offer as leverage can damage the trust relationship with your employer, so only use it if you mean it.

How often can I ask for a raise without coming across as pushy?

Asking for a raise once a year is perfectly normal and professional, ideally tied to a performance review or a demonstrable achievement. If you’ve previously been turned down, six months is a reasonable timeframe before revisiting the conversation — provided you’ve met the agreed goals in the meantime. Tie every request to concrete developments, and frequency will never be the issue.

What if I find out that a male colleague in the same role earns more than I do?

This is a strong and objective basis for your salary request. Raise it factually and professionally in the conversation: ‘I’ve come to understand that the market rate for this role is higher than my current salary, and I’d like to address that.’ In many countries, equal pay legislation prohibits pay discrimination based on gender. If your employer cannot provide a valid explanation for the difference, you have not only a moral argument but a legal one as well.