How do I handle a team member who openly questions my leadership?

oktober 19, 2026

When a team member publicly questions your leadership, the most effective response combines staying calm in the moment with a direct, honest conversation afterward. Don’t ignore it, don’t escalate — act deliberately and strategically. This kind of undermining behavior often says more about the team’s dynamics than it does about your qualities as a leader. In this article, we answer the most pressing questions about how to handle it, from recognizing the signs to preventing them.

Why is a team member publicly questioning my leadership?

A team member who openly challenges your leadership rarely does so without reason. The cause is almost always a combination of personal frustration, unmet expectations, or a power dynamic the team member is trying to shift. Understanding why this behavior occurs helps you respond to it effectively.

Common causes include:

A sense of competition: The team member wanted the leadership position themselves and feels resentment or disappointment.
Insecurity about their own position: Organizational changes, new ways of working, or your arrival as their manager create unease.
Lack of trust: The team member hasn’t yet seen evidence of your competence, or has had negative experiences with managers in the past.
Unwritten rules about authority: Some teams have an implicit hierarchy that doesn’t align with the formal structure. Those who have been on the team for a long time sometimes feel entitled to test a new manager.
Gender dynamics: Female leaders are more frequently confronted with open challenges to their authority, precisely because leadership is seen as less of a given for women in many organizational cultures.

That last point deserves special attention. Research and real-world experience consistently show that women in leadership roles are challenged on their position more often than male colleagues in comparable roles. This is not a coincidence, and it is not a sign of weakness. It is a structural pattern that calls for a deliberate strategy.

How do I tell the difference between healthy criticism and undermining behavior?

Healthy criticism focuses on substance and is delivered constructively. Undermining behavior targets your position as a leader and is aimed at weakening your authority — often in front of others. Recognizing the difference is crucial, because the approach to each is fundamentally different.

Healthy criticism is characterized by:

The criticism addresses a decision, approach, or outcome — not you as a person or as a leader.
It is raised in an appropriate setting, such as a team meeting or a one-on-one conversation.
The tone is respectful, even when the team member fundamentally disagrees.
An alternative or solution is offered.

Undermining behavior can be recognized by:

Open commentary on your decisions in front of the entire team, without any space having been created for that.
Making eye contact with other team members while you are speaking, as if seeking support.
Ignoring your instructions or only carrying them out after repeated prompting, with this pattern recurring.
Remarks that implicitly call your competence or authority into question, such as “We used to do it differently” or “Are you sure that’s the right approach?”
Behavior that influences other team members, leading to an informal coalition forming against you.

Not sure whether something is undermining behavior or simply direct communication? Ask yourself this: would this behavior be acceptable if it were directed at a colleague rather than at you as their manager? If the answer is no, a boundary has been crossed.

What do I say when a team member openly pushes back against me?

When a team member openly pushes back against you, the most important thing is to stay calm and address the situation directly without attacking the other person. Respond calmly, clearly, and from your position as their manager. Avoid both a defensive reaction and ignoring the behavior entirely.

Practical phrases you can use in the moment:

“I hear that you disagree with this. I’d appreciate it if you brought that up with me after this meeting, so we can take a proper look at it together.”
“This is the direction we’re taking as a team. I understand you have questions, and I’m happy to discuss them, but right now we’re moving forward.”
“I can see you’d approach this differently. Schedule some time with me — I’d genuinely like to hear your thoughts.”

What to consciously avoid in the moment:

Defending your decision as though you owe the entire group a justification.
Engaging in the confrontation with an emotional tone — that actually undermines your own position.
Ignoring the behavior entirely, as that implicitly gives the team member permission to continue.

Composure is your greatest asset here. By responding from your position rather than from emotion, you demonstrate that you are in control of the situation. That is precisely the signal your team needs to see.

How do I have an effective follow-up conversation with the team member?

An effective conversation with a team member who has questioned your leadership requires a clear structure, an open mindset, and a willingness to both set boundaries and listen. Schedule the conversation as soon as possible after the incident, but never immediately afterward if emotions are still running high.

Prepare for the conversation

Go into the conversation with a clear picture of what happened. Describe the behavior factually, without interpretation. Also think about what you want to achieve: do you want to build understanding, clarify expectations, or set a boundary? Probably all three — but start by listening.

Conduct the conversation in four steps

Describe the behavior: Name specifically what you observed or heard, without judgment. Use “I” statements. For example: “I noticed that during the meeting you openly questioned my decision on several occasions.”
Ask about the background: Give the team member space to respond. Sometimes there is a legitimate frustration behind it that you weren’t aware of. Ask: “What’s going on for you?”
Set clear expectations: Make it clear what is and isn’t acceptable. This isn’t an attack — it’s a professional boundary. “Criticism is welcome, but I expect you to raise it with me directly, not in front of the whole team.”
Make concrete agreements: Close the conversation with a clear agreement on how you will move forward together. This gives both parties something to hold on to and makes it easier to refer back to if the behavior recurs.

Should I involve HR or my own manager?

Involving HR or your own manager is the right move when the behavior continues after a direct conversation, when it is affecting other team members, or when there is a pattern that is structurally interfering with your ability to do your job. Ideally, you have the first conversation yourself — but you don’t have to carry this alone.

Involve HR or your manager when:

The behavior repeats despite a clear conversation and concrete agreements.
Other team members are adopting or being influenced by the undermining behavior.
There is a formal conflict that requires documentation.
You feel the situation is affecting your own performance or well-being.
The team member refuses to have a conversation with you or consistently fails to honor the agreements made.

Many managers wait too long to seek support, afraid of appearing weak. But the opposite is true: those who use escalation as a professional tool at the right time demonstrate that they are taking the situation seriously and acting strategically. Document what happened, when, and who was present. That isn’t an overreaction — it’s professional leadership.

How do I prevent this behavior from recurring or spreading?

Preventing undermining behavior from recurring or spreading requires consistency in how you respond, actively embedding your position in the team culture, and setting clear norms around how feedback and criticism are shared within your team. Prevention starts with your own presence as a leader.

Concrete steps you can take:

Be visible and consistent: Leaders who communicate clearly, explain the reasoning behind decisions, and are consistent in their expectations leave less room for doubt.
Create formal feedback moments: When people have a designated space to raise concerns, they don’t need to do it publicly. Regular one-on-ones and team retrospectives make a significant difference.
Name the norm explicitly: Agree as a team on how you will handle disagreements. Once that norm has been made explicit, you can hold people to it.
Respond consistently: If you address undermining behavior one time and let it slide the next, you send a mixed message. Consistency is the foundation of authority in the workplace.
Invest in relationships: Leaders who invest in individual relationships with team members build a foundation of trust that makes it harder for undermining behavior to take root.

Maintaining authority in the workplace is not a one-time action — it is an ongoing process. The more you set the tone for how your team collaborates and communicates, the less room there is for behavior that undermines your leadership.

How we support you as a female leader

Handling resistance as a leader, setting boundaries without damaging team morale, and maintaining your authority in the workplace are all skills that can be learned. At Intouch Women, we help ambitious women do exactly that — in a direct and practical way that connects to the reality of your work environment.

In our Masterclass Stratego for Women, you will learn, among other things:

How to see through the unwritten rules in organizations and navigate them strategically
How to anchor your position and expand your influence, even in challenging situations
Which tactics work when dealing with difficult team dynamics and challenging team members
How to communicate with impact without losing your authenticity
How to map out a stakeholder field and understand what type of players you are dealing with

The program runs for six months and takes place in small groups of no more than twelve women. This allows you to work on real challenges from your own professional practice in a safe environment, guided by experienced coaches who know what it’s like in the real world. Ready to learn how to lead with confidence — even when you’re being challenged? Explore the Masterclass Stratego for Women and discover what the program can do for you.

Veelgestelde vragen

What should I do if the undermining team member has been with the company much longer than I have?

Seniority does not give a team member the right to behave inappropriately, but it does call for a particularly considered approach. Explicitly acknowledge the team member’s experience and knowledge — this reduces any sense of threat — while at the same time making it clear that you are the manager and that this defines the framework within which you work together. Avoid the trap of trying to ‘earn’ your position by constantly justifying your decisions. Authority is built through consistent, confident action — not by seeking permission.

How do I handle undermining behavior when it's subtle and hard to pin down?

Subtle undermining behavior — such as audible sighs, a condescending tone, or consistently talking over your input — is difficult to name but by no means impossible to address. In the conversation, use descriptive language about what you observed rather than interpretations: ‘I noticed you looked away while I was speaking during the meeting’ is stronger than ‘You don’t respect me.’ Keep a personal log with dates, situations, and those present. This not only helps you identify patterns, but also allows you to have a factual and credible conversation if you need to bring in support.

What if the team member is undermining my authority with my own manager or behind my back?

If you suspect or know that a team member is undermining your position with your own manager or other colleagues, transparency is your strongest strategy. Proactively inform your own manager about the situation, so that you are the one telling the story — not the team member. Explain which steps you have already taken and what you expect from the organization. Those who name the situation themselves and handle it professionally demonstrate leadership. Those who wait leave the narrative in someone else’s hands.

How do I rebuild my authority with the rest of the team after being openly challenged?

After an open challenge, the team is unconsciously watching how you respond — not only in the moment itself, but also in the days that follow. Recovery begins with consistent, confident behavior: communicate clearly, follow through on commitments, and stay visibly present. Resist the urge to discuss the incident with other team members, as that shifts attention to the conflict rather than to your leadership. What the team sees is what they believe: those who calmly carry on after a challenge strengthen their position far more than those who dwell on it.

Can I make mistakes in my response that make the situation worse?

Yes — the two most common mistakes are overreacting or doing nothing at all. Overreacting — such as getting angry, publicly reprimanding the team member, or threatening consequences in the moment — unintentionally gives the team member more attention and makes you vulnerable. Doing nothing signals that the behavior is acceptable, which invites others to do the same. The middle ground is deliberate action: a brief, calm response in the moment, followed by a private conversation as soon as possible afterward.

How do I know if my own leadership style is contributing to the undermining behavior?

Self-reflection is a sign of strong leadership, not weakness. Honestly ask yourself whether you are consistent in your expectations, whether you communicate clearly about decisions and the reasoning behind them, and whether you provide sufficient space for feedback in an appropriate way. If the answer to several of these questions is no, it is worth addressing — but that does not change the fact that undermining behavior is always the responsibility of the person displaying it. Working on your own leadership and setting boundaries around inappropriate behavior go hand in hand.

When is it a good idea to bring in professional coaching for situations like this?

Coaching becomes valuable as soon as you notice that the situation is costing you more energy than you can sustain, or when you find it difficult to determine what your next step should be. A coach helps you not only to address the specific situation, but also to recognize patterns in how you handle resistance and authority — so that you are structurally better equipped going forward. Don’t wait too long: the sooner you invest in your own approach, the sooner you regain control.